Have you had trouble finding a good read lately?  I know, I know, most folks say they have so many books waiting to be read that it’s no problem.  But, it seems that every sample I pick up these days just hasn’t made it.  Jeez, what did we do before we could download samples?  We’d stand around in B&N and read the first chapter, I guess.

What makes you put the book down?  And how long do you give it?  I still have friends that feel obligated to finish a book once they’ve started.  Not me.  Life’s too short.  So I thought I’d try to figure out what makes me give up on a book.  This is a very helpful exercise for writers – if you can figure out what you don’t like to read and why, maybe you can avoid writing the same.  Let’s see.

The usual writers’ mistakes come to mind.  Too many clichés, too many adjectives and adverbs, passive verbs, poor grammar, spelling or punctuation, run on sentences, which gets you all flummoxed.  These are a given for dropping a book quickly.

How about tension?  If the characters are just moseying along, going shopping, dying their hair, cleaning their kitchen – I’m bored to tears.  If they’re walking through a dimly- lit parking garage at midnight, glancing over their shoulder nervously (ach, an adverb!) I’m still bored.  It’s been done.

What about characters?  There’s such a thing as too much description.  I want to picture the character, but I don’t need to know height, weight, hair and eye color and where every beauty mark is.  It’s more about their personality, attitude, sense of humor, values.  But I like that in short doses, building as I read on.  And character names that all begin with the same letter drive me nuts.  Jane, Joan, Jim, John, Jasmine, Judy, Jonathan.  Aiyiyiyiyi.  How can I keep them straight?

Then there’s plot.  I’m sick of serial killers, abductions, sexual abuse and missing kids.  Surely there are some other interesting plot lines out there.  Or, at the very least, a twist on an old one.  What?  A missing kid who’s a serial killer.  Ugh.  I’m beginning to agree with agents and publishers who say it’s all been done . . . many times.  Are there really no new plot lines out there?

Background description.  I really like to get the atmosphere of the work early so I can step into the character’s shoes.  But, again, no trite descriptions, please.  No white sails against a deep blue sea, please.  Also, flashbacks and back fill to give us the history is okay, but only in bits and pieces at a time.  Nice if it comes from the character’s head, too, and not from the omniscient observer.

So, who can I suggest as a writer who has the skill, maybe talent is a better word, to carry all this out?  A writer I’m usually not disappointed in?  Believe it or not, it’s not often a mystery writer.  I think one of the best writers I’ve read is Barbara Kingsolver.  She has a splendid way with words and makes the English language sing.  I highly recommend “The Poisonwood Bible” or “Prodigal Summer.”

If you’re more interested in characters than beautiful phrasing, try “Lonesome Dove” by Larry McMurtry (OMG, a Western!) And if you want a dynamite mystery that has all plus oodles of atmosphere, try “The Blackhouse” by Peter May.

I would have made a good literary agent.  If I don’t fall in love with the book in the first five (okay ten) pages, it’s a goner.  How about you?