The Washington Post published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. Kind of like the Fictionary game. Too darn funny. Here are the winners:
- Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
- Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
- Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of having a flat stomach.
- Explanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
- Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
- Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
- Gargoyle (n.), gross olive-flavored mouthwash.
- Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
- Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
- Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
- Pokemon (n.), a Rastafarian proctologist.
- Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
- Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
I had to add another funny-ism here that a friend sent out on Facebook:
“When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead. It is difficult only for others.
It is the same when you are stupid.”
Happy 2016!