Celebrating this July 4th, I couldn’t resist sharing some of these bloopers on American history made by students over the years. Not only are they historically inane, but the language use is scary. They were compiled by Richard Lederer, a word and language expert. Here’s the full link from the San Diego Union Tribune of 7/4/2015: http://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/news/2015/jul/04/american-history-according-to-student-bloopers/

Enjoy some samples and weep:

One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea. When General Burgundy surrendered to Sara’s Toga, the colonists won the war and no longer had to pay for taxis? (I guess Uber got an early start?)

America was founded by four fathers. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Decoration of Independence, which says all men are cremated equal and are well endowed by their creator. (Wish I lived back then!)

George Washington led the United States to what it is today, while Ben and Dick Arnold (you know the Arnold boys?) were terrible traitors.

Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution, the people have the right to bare arms. (Particularly if it’s warm.)

Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his very own hands. Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. (Pretty sturdy envelope, that.)

On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career. (And well it should have.)

I’ll go back a bit further in time for a finale:

Christopher Columbus discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic Ocean on the Nina, Pinta Colada and the Santa Fe. Columbus knelt, thanked God, and put the American flag in the ground.

Amen.